I feel like I’ve been coasting lately.
I have been living from day to day in a haze of busy-ness and then recovery. I have not had the mindfulness in my life that I should have. And I know that is when I need to focus the most.
When I get a break, I waste it by watching TV or looking at my phone or both. Then I end up staying up later than I should and the cycle just keeps on going.
I haven’t worked on my story at all in the last week. I hit a snag and am unhappy/lost about my storyline. I definitely need a plan, and desperately need the energy and time to work on one. I don’t have either lately.
I have also stopped walking with Grant and Baillie in the mornings. It’s stopped for all of us. What brought me so much joy is no longer part of our routine. No energy. No time. And it’s cold…
I still Bullet Journal every day, but not with the vigor I had when I first started. Perhaps because I haven’t participated in the #planwithmechallenge this month. Perhaps for other reasons. But again, time … energy.
I go to yoga, too, but not as often. I still help around the studio because I love it there, and when I do go to class I wonder why I haven’t been participating as often.
On days when I don’t go to class, I drop by, help clean/replenish towels and then go home. Most of the time it’s because I’m late. Or don’t have the energy. Are we sensing a theme?
I know when I don’t have the energy for yoga is the point when I need it the most. But I Dont. Have. The. Energy.
The grief I feel for Paris, Beirut, Kenya, everywhere, does not help. The grief I have for those nameless people whose refugee status will be affected by those evil, evil people who used the system to promote their agenda with terror.
It makes me sick that those people do not value their fellow human beings’ lives. It makes me sick that some politicians in my country want to cut off Syrian refugees and even worse, limit them to a single religious group. It makes me sick that I can’t even really do anything.
I’m saddened some want to go to war. I’m saddened France has already begun the war. I don’t want war to be the answer. I don’t think it is. But I can’t figure out a better way.
Sometimes I feel as though I carry the world’s worries on my shoulders. So I sit here. Without any time or energy and worry about that. The state of the world, of peace, of humanity.